Networking: What is it, Why do it, and How to
another krappy newsletter #41
Sup homies?
Sorry for the premature send earlier today. Substack sent an old draft of my email when I hit publish because of course it did…This is the real post I tried to send. I deleted the other one.
Today, I will be writing another article about something I wish I knew 10 years ago.
My goal with these articles is to write what 20 year old me needed to hear. But the funny thing is 20 year old me wouldn’t have given these articles the time of day for two reasons:
Poisoned language - Journaling. Meditation. Networking. These are emotionally loaded words. Words that were hijacked by the self help marketing machine and co-opted to help some douchebag live in Bali while he tells me that I need to chill out, write some stuff, and make friends. I used to just reject reading pieces that had these words in them.
Sample size = 1 - Older versions of me would have harped on the fact that these are not statistically relevant sample sizes. I would speak about how the author couldn’t replicate these experiments and suffered from bias.
If you find yourself with those objections, I get it. They are valid concerns and I too am a baseline skeptic. However, I would caution that for many years skepticism stopped me from trying any of these things. My 20 year old self could skepticize my way out of anything and everything. Exercise. Eating healthy. Needing to get a new job. Low key, skepticism is just procrastination in disguise.
It is better to experiment with things and find out they don’t work for you than to dismiss it before ever trying. I recommend the same for you. But that is another article for another day.
If you do try any of these things, please tell me about it! I would love to hear about your experiences.
On to the newsletter!
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Networking: What is it, Why do it, and How to
In 2016, I was out sick from work one day. It would have been an unremarkable day, but all of a sudden I got a call from my boss.
ME: “Uh hello…I am out sick as you know…”
HIM: “Everyone’s job is being relocated in one year.”
I paused.
HIM: “This was just announced in an emergency all hands meeting. Everyone is affected.”
ME: *now fully processing what just happened* “Wait. My job?”
HIM: “Yes. Your job.”
ME: *not really knowing what to say* “Well…what about your job?”
Silence.
Ends up it wasn’t “everyone” it was “everyone who didn’t have important friends.”
This was my introduction to the importance of “networking”.
What I thought networking was
Up until this point, I worked one post college job. I got that job out of college at a job fair. At that time, “networking” meant “giving your resume to a stranger, standing there awkwardly whilst feigning interest in an awful 5 minute conversation, and praying they might invite me in for a cringe worthy 45 minute in-person interview where we talked about my hopes and dreams.”
This definition worked fine. I got two internships and a job this way.
But I never understood how networking extended into the office. Why were all of these people saying cliche dumb fuck phrases like “your network is your net worth.” This did not map to my belief system.
My understanding of success in the office was:
Step 1: Work hard and do your best
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Profit and promotions
So tickle me surprised when I got the phone call saying I was losing my job!
I was a model employee. People loved me. They gave me good reviews. A 4 out of 5! They tell me only 10% of employees get that!
You know what that got me? Outsourced.
Meanwhile this one dipshit that I worked with who told a few tasteful dad jokes every fortnight and never did ANY work was unaffected by this relocation.
Why? Because people liked him.
Awkward truth about the work place: No one cares about you unless they like you.
Sure. They cared that I made their lives easier. I was dependable, did the job well, amicable, and I didn’t rock the boat. But when we were in tough times, they kept their friends around.
What networking actually is
When I lost this job, I was very panicked. As a function of being at the same company for my entire career, all of my options were internal and based in cities that sucked a gratuitous amount of ass. Like don’t get me wrong, I am sure it is lovely place to live if you are into drinking bleach, but I am more of a swallow a Tide Pod kind of guy. If you know what I mean.
A few other opportunities became available. I was overqualified for all of them so I thought my darkest days were over. But the process all looked the same:
Did well on the interview. Got all the technical questions correct.
Hiring manager was interested. Said I would be hearing from them soon.
Crickets.
Two weeks later: wE aRe So SoWwY bUt We WeNt wItH sOmEoNe ElSe
This extended period of rejection was punctuated by one interview process that went on for four months. I passed two phone screens, a written test, and an onsite interview with 10 people. The recruiter called me all excited: “Ok all you have left to do is this quick call with the director and he should sign off. He never says no!”
Spoiler alert: He said no.
After a 15 minute phone call, that director said “my gut tells me this isn’t the right candidate for us.”
Four months of work washed away by a gut feeling.
Despite being able to do all of these jobs. I got nothing.
Until one day, by chance, I happened upon a former coworker who left to work at a competitor. He said they were hiring. I interviewed and got that job. The whole process took two weeks.
It happened so quickly that I was confused. Why did this one work so quickly and the others didn't?
This was my second encounter with the importance of networking.
What is networking?
When I was younger, I never made an effort to make friends at work. I was a big compartmentalizer. Work is here and friends are there. They do not overlap. But this definition is limiting to your career. Because what no one ever taught me in school is that as long as you are competent, people rank order giving out job offers by how much they like you.
Opportunities become available to you when two conditions are met:
You meet a minimum bar of technical aptitude (ie: you can do the job)
People like you (ie: you are friends)
So the required mindset shift is understanding that “networking” is really just making friends with people who can help you professionally and you can help them professionally.
How to network
You network by making friends. You make friends by talking to people. That is it.
I used to get really in my head about this one, but a friend of mine, Jordan, gave me two pieces of actionable advice that have been the foundation for my entire networking strategy for the last four years:
Social media doesn’t count. Remaining active on these sites is helpful for people to know what you are up to and for you to remain top of their mind. But liking their Facebook status is not networking. Posting and commenting is better, but what is best is talking to people on an individual level. Which leads to the next point.
Focus on 1:1 communication. Texting, emailing, and DMing people is a low friction way to remain good friends with a lot of people. You develop relationships much faster in 1:1 digital settings than you do in group emails and messages. So that is what I do. Whenever I think of someone, I jot down a quick text message or email saying whats up. There is never a demand or ask. I just say whats up. This keeps so many relationships in good standing it is actually quite astounding.
SIDE NOTE: Jordan has this great tactical strategy to get started with this where you scroll to the bottom of your text messages and find a name you haven’t texted in a long time. Text them. Pat yourself on the back for networking. He has a ton of other great advice in his free course here.
Here is an example of how I “network” in two different worlds I am a part of:
Work networking
Ok. So get this. I meet people at work. I get their phone numbers. I text them.
Now the thing about this that is radically different from my first job is that I am myself. I don’t do any of this “Did you catch the latest Gage Repeatability and Reproducibility update at the engineering conference? Enthralling am I right?”
People don’t talk like that. Stop doing that right now, you fucking psychopath. Just text people in your real voice.
This simple strategy has lead to me being “plugged in” to a lot more job opportunities in my space. As they come available, people reach out to me and ask if I would be interested. Why? Because they know I can do the job and I am top of mind cause they like me/ we talk often. And vice versa! If I hear of anything, I go talk to them or if they need advice, I offer to have a call. We help each other out, yo!
Implementing this networking strategy over the last four years has helped me feel like I am ready in case the bottom ever drops out on my job again.
Writing networking
I follow someone’s newsletter. I respond to the emails they send and I reach out on Twitter direct messages to ask if they want to chat.
Why? Because:
I am interested in meeting more people who do this “spend an insane amount of time preparing and delivering content to people for seemingly no reason” thing.
As someone who lives in Silicon Valley, most of my friends are in “tech”. This simple networking strategy has helped me meet so many people who do different things than everyone I am around. Which is great for diversity of thought!
By reaching out to people on email and Twitter, I now know people who are launching courses on speaking, shooting videos, and product management. Launching coffee products. Building physical cabins for creators. Working as open source coding freelancers. Writing about being a new parent. Writing about complexity science. Writing about sports and fitness. Writing about open source reinvention. Writing about the next thing.
It is pretty cool to reflect on how diverse the group is that I now talk to digitally! At the very minimum, networking has made my life more interesting and novel.
TL;DR - Make more friends professionally and in your hobbies. It will be really great I promise. Don’t overthink it. You might even end up with a better job and life long friends.
What has been your experience with networking? Email me or leave a comment below. Promise to hit you back with an artisanal, hand-crafted response.
Closing time
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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed are strictly my own. Who else’s would they be?
I met this guy in a Java programming class I was taking several years ago - he seemed to get it, and scared most of the rest of the class by not being afraid to actually speak up. In a class with a lot of kids right out of high school, this was a revolutionary idea. We connected on social media, so now I read his newsletter, and here we are!
Dig the new format!