[AKN #60] Standing up again, RIP Norm McDonald, and the freight-ening state of shipping
another krappy newsletter #60
Sup homies?
You ever feel so overwhelmed by your text messages that you leave them unread?
That’s what I do. Big unread energy over here.
I will frequently leave someone’s text message unread for a week and then respond back as if the message was just sent yesterday.
It’s a character defect.
But its also because texting is such a broken medium of communication.
Like it would be a little weird if you did that during a conversation.
Someone comes up to you and says “are we on for Friday?”
Three days later, you respond “Yep!”
I would venture a guess to say that this person probably doesn’t want to see you on Friday now.
But texting is different.
If someone doesn’t respond to a text for a few days, I just move on and send a new text message.
You have no obligation to respond to me.
But I am not good at taking a hint so you will need to be very explicit if you want me to stop texting you.
Anyway. Let’s move on to a clearly not broken medium of communication: email.
On to the newsletter!
LIVE: Standing up again
Last month, I did my first stand up comedy 5 minute set ever.
I always dreamed about working up the courage to do it and it felt amazing to FINALLY put the first one behind me.
After the show, I felt unstoppable and I walked off thinking “I cannot wait to do that again.”
But funny enough, here we are a month later and have just as much resistance getting on the second time as I did the first.
Before I ever got on stage, there was a story I told myself that once I did it the first time, I would suddenly be able to do it at will forever.
But instead I still find my mind wandering to the “danger” I am putting myself in by getting up on stage again.
Which is odd because it is in no way “dangerous”.
It is not like there is a lion in the crowd that will pounce on me.
Worst case scenario is an awkward encounter with a cougar or a bear.
Fear and Loathing in Personal Development
This “all of the danger is built up in your head” message is a a common theme in the personal development community.
The solution — you are told — to overcoming this fear comes down to “just doing it.”
Action dissipates fear.
Rather than getting stuck in this rut, you should be:
Saying that thing you want to say in the meeting.
Sending that email.
Doing stand up comedy.
Pitching your business idea to a friend.
Just do the thing.
Because if you don’t, you will live inside your mind endlessly catastrophizing.
But does that actually work?
While there is a kernel of truth to the whole “just do it” methodology, I feel it misses the mark in two important areas.
It encourages you to not interrogate the fear any further.
Sometimes fear is a sign that something isn’t right and forcing your way through it is just delaying the pain of working through the real problem.
For example, I remember when I started speaking up more at one of my first jobs. There was always this fear I had about doing it. I told myself it was a “fear of public speaking.”
Being a 25-year-old devout member of the church of Tim Ferriss, I pushed through it telling myself “this will go away with exposure!” or “what we most fear in life is what we most need to do!”
Grin and bear it. This is how you get better.
Until one day, I realized that the fear wasn’t going away. I still hated speaking in these meetings. Why? Because it ends up that the root cause of the fear was I HATED talking to these people and I was afraid of what it would mean if I succeeded here.
It was not a “fear of public speaking” as much as it was a “fear that if I got good enough at this here and started being seen as a leader then I would never leave.” I would be like fucking Eric in Cubicle 3184 making those same tired jokes about his wife until he could “ride off into the sunset with his pension.” But I would actually be even worse off than Eric because the pension plan didn’t exist anymore since it was always built on top of a lie that the level of growth the plan was seeing was sustainable.
Armed with the true root cause of my fear, I eventually left for greener pastures for a job I liked and invested in index funds like an adult.
When I got to that new job, I remember feeling fear before talking in meetings again. But this time it was a different reason. I was fearful because I liked who I was working with and I wanted to make a good impression, but I didn’t know what I was doing.
That is a different type of fear who’s solution actually is “just doing it.”
The root cause matters because the solutions are very different.
Forcing yourself to do something can be extremely unsustainable and leave you worse off than you started
Before the comedy show, I had myself a delightful little vodka soda. You know just a little drink to take the edge off! Complimented with one of those classic dried out lime slices from a bar. A slice with a moisture content that leaves you with the utmost confidence that these limes have been sitting in some little box behind the bar for about a week.
As I was sipping my drink, I couldn’t help but notice another person in the room doing the same. But he was doing it rather aggressively. Or as Brown from Brown vs. Board of Ed would say: “with all deliberate speed.”
Despite being slated to be one of the last comics to go, I watched him polish off four standard drinks before the show even got started.
While I normally find this type of behavior amusing, I instead found myself thinking about how easily I could see myself falling into that same trap.
In fact, I could even feel my body yearning for a second drink to overcome the nerves of getting up on stage in 20 minutes.
That type of chemical dependence to do anything is not great. You should theoretically not require impairing your own cognitive abilities to do something you want to do.
But I think it is a cycle we can all get stuck in when we just try to force our way through fear instead of getting a little bit more curious about why we feel it in the first place.
Maybe you have a point or maybe you are self sabotaging yourself?
I am trying to be a bit more introspective about why I feel this resistance.
Because, like I said, the root cause matters.
If it is just some weird manifestation of self sabotage then the solution is “just get back up on stage.”
But if the root cause is actually something deeper, I should work through that first as I am trying to avoid needing to rip shots to do the types of things I want to do in this world.
I will have to report back as I learn what the real answer is.
LAUGH: In memory of Norm McDonald
Norm McDonald died last week. RIP to one of the funniest comedians to ever do it.
In his honor, I would like to share three very different forms of Norm’s comedy which I always enjoyed watching.
Burt Reynolds in Celebrity Jeopardy on Saturday Night Live
Stand up comedian.
His appearances on Conan O’Brien where he would come on with no agenda, no talking points, and tell these long, drawn out, improvised jokes which always made me laugh. Like his moth joke.
Legendary comedian. Sad :(
LOVE: The freight-ening state of shipping
Subtitle: Why it is taking and will continue to take a long time to get your physical goods
This is a very interesting thread on the ocean freight shipping industry and how it is going to affect you.
So many downstream effects of this pandemic…
TL;DR - Order your Christmas presents early.
Some highlights from the thread:
Large increases in total number of days for ocean freight door-to-door shipping will lead to longer wait times for us to get our emergency order of hand lotion and mood setting candles.
Massive shortage of ships leave open possibility for a new Christopher Nolan film about retired captains of cruise ships coming together to save Christmas.
Closing time
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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed are strictly my own. Who else’s would they be?
Mahalo,
Kevin