[AKN #44] How to give a great wedding toast
another krappy newsletter #44
Sup homies?
Greetings from New York. I am on vacation this weekend. Exploring NYC and seeing family. Super fun times alert!
This has been one of my busiest stretches since I started writing the newsletter. I have been stoked to not let it fall off. However, I am behind in responding to some of your emails. I am going to get to them! So don’t be startled when you get a response from me that’s two weeks late.
On to the newsletter!
LIVE: How to give a great wedding toast
This weekend I gave my 7th wedding weekend toast.
That is a mind boggling number of people who trusted me to deliver a speech during one of the most special moments of their lives.
Thankfully, I have gotten very good at doing this over the years so most people don’t regret asking me to give the speech. In fact, after these speeches, I will often get asked by friends and even complete strangers how to prepare for these speeches.
I would like to share that advice with all of you homies now. Hopefully if you have one of these speeches coming up, it can assist you in getting ready.
Kevin’s super cool wedding toast framework:
There are two big things that you want to get right to have the speech go well:
Mindset - How you should approach the speech
Content - What should be in the speech
I believe that if you get these two things right, your speech will be in the top 1% of wedding toasts.
1. MINDSET: How you should approach the speech
Take it seriously. Listen. Someone is asking you to speak during the most important weekend of their life. This is an important honor. Don’t half ass it.
Don’t depend on memorization. On the day of the event, you are going to be a drunk emotional wreck. To make sure you can perform the speech regardless of inebriation level, you should have a copy of the speech with you. Whether it be on your phone or on paper is up to you. If it is memorized, great but have a physical copy back up plan.
Write it for the bride and groom. Your audience is the bride and groom. Those are the only two people listening that matter. If they remember your speech fondly then your speech was successful. Even if everyone else hates it.
Be funny, but also have a sentimental takeaway. Everyone wants a wedding toast to be funny. Maid of honor, father of the bride, best man, secretary of the bride of the groom. Every speech is better when it is funny. The event is joyous. Don’t be a Debbie Downer with your lame ass inspirational speech about what a good guy your buddy is. Add some funny to it. However, be careful to not go full clown. Sure everyone wants to have a good time, but it needs to come back serious. Everyone needs to walk away feeling like there was a purpose to listening to you talk.
Don’t wait until the last minute to write it. Most of the toasts I have given are prepared over months. The ones that were best received are ones that were prepared over years. Literal years. Not that I continually wrote them over the course of a few years. I am not reading “War and Peace” at the wedding. But more I am compulsively jotting down various jokes and events in my note taking system and filing them under “Best man speeches - [NAME OF FRIEND].” That preparation is the type of thing that makes people say “how do you come up with this stuff?” Well. I had about 100 jokes and I picked the best 10. It is not rocket surgery. Start early.
2. CONTENT: What should be in the speech
Talk about both the bride and the groom. This rule gets violated the most. It is so common for the Best Man to give a speech entirely about the Groom or a Maid of Honor to talk exclusively about the Bride. This is a sure fire way to piss off one of the two people you are writing the speech for. Honestly, as a Best Man or Maid of Honor you would be better off writing more of the speech about the person you know the least. For instance, a Best Man speech written 80% about the bride and 20% about the groom would be received MUCH better than one written 80% about the groom and 20% about the bride.
Set context. Explain who you are. A lot of people there have never met you. They need a brief explanation of who you are. How do you know the person who you are speaking for? Some people were not paying attention at all when the DJ introduced you so give them a little “my name is Kevin, the groom and I played bridge together every Tuesday” so they can at least understand why you are talking.
Set attention span. As a wedding guest, I want to know how long I need to pay attention for. I like to do this by explaining the structure of my speech. You can usually do this by saying something like “I am going to tell you three stories” or “I am going to walk you through the four reasons why I think this marriage is going to be great.” Giving me little hooks so I know how close you are to being done is key to getting drunk me to pay attention to you.
Timing. Fit your speech into the time frame you are given. This should go without saying but if someone gives you 5 minutes make sure it is 5 minutes. Hitting someone with a 15 minute speech on their wedding day when they gave you 5 minutes is stressful.
Hope this framework helps anyone out there trying to get ready for their own speech!
Any rules you would add to this list? Let me know what you think by commenting below!
LAUGH: Outside is expensive
This tweet really captured the essence of what we have all been feeling as we get back out there post pandemic.
LOVE: Thread about how online targeted ads work
This is a phenomenal thread that breaks down why you suddenly find yourself getting ads for things that are around the house you are staying at or things that you only just said one time in a conversation. Super interesting/sobering to come to terms with how much of your life can be pieced together by someone with the desire.
Closing time
You don’t have to go home, but you can subscribe here:
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed are strictly my own. Who else’s would they be?
ILY,
K. Rapp
Will you be my Best Podcast Man, Kevin? Alongside Greg Frontiero for the 69th episode of The Penguin Latte Podcast?